Dominic James shares his personal experience of sport at school and discusses why being gay seems so inextricably linked with a horror of team sports.
- What was your experience of sport at school?
- Is being gay a barrier to participation?
- Are gay sports clubs the answer?
- Have the recent 'comings out' changed things?
I hear so many gay friends describe the trauma of participating in sport whilst at school, and afterwards and wonder how widespread this experience is.
Now, I will declare my 'butch' hand here... I actually enjoyed sport at school and have competed at tennis ever since (even though I'm not very good and frequently lose to my brothers!). In fact, I ran my first marathon this year (4hrs 26mins - thanks for asking!). Having said that, I did sob uncontrollably on crossing the finish line!
It is also true to say that my participation in sport was restricted to (what was then called) 'Hop, Skip and Jump', tennis and cross-country. These are not perceived to be the most laddish of pursuits, although I notice that Hop, Skip, Jump is now more manly: Triple Jump.
OK, I will also admit that on the one occasion that I was picked for the form Rugby team, I was seen heading for the changing rooms after the game still sporting a spotless white strip - having managed to avoid any of the play for the whole 80 minutes (or is it 90?!).
All that aside, it does seem that any talk of competitive sport, especially at school evokes painful memories. My friend Simon tells of his experience of being picked for the football team... always last to be picked, therefore put in goal (he assumes to cause least harm). In fact, he explains that he would invariably be joined by his friend - yes, two queens to keep goal. He tells of the sheer panic when the play came anywhere near them; they would ask each other 'what do we do?', to which their hilarious response would be: 'Run away, run away!'. And they did.
These experiences, with the benefit of hindsight, are funny. Yet, I know that for a lot of gay men, sport at school left a pretty nasty psychological scar. So, what was the problem? What is the connection between being gay and dread of games like football and rugby?
In writing this, I am not attempting to present an academic thesis, rather start a discussion. To kick that discussion off, I will share my ideas as to what some of the issues might be.
There must be something around the feeling 'I don’t fit in... I am not as 'manly' as you... I am not as good as you...'. If these feelings are present, participating in a competitive team game is going to be a challenge.
Unfortunately, it also seems (even today) that professional sport like football is one of the last bastions of homophobia remaining. There is a clear message: it’s not OK to be gay. To enjoy participating in a sport at any level, you have to be relaxed and comfortable and part of the team... not outside of it.
Then there is the changing room. Now, I may be alone on this one, but I felt excruciatingly embarressed getting changed in front of others. I would avoid it at all costs. This is difficult if playing in a football team. Is that to do with my sexuality and trying to hide something? I have to say, you now couldn’t keep me away from a football changing room!
On a very simple level, most male sports engender testosterone fueled machismo. As a gay man I have never felt comfortable in this sort of environment, whether at work or play. For me, this is probably the best explanation for my resistance to school sports.
I feel I was lucky to have been introduced to tennis at an early age, and was at a school that encouraged this. Without that, I am sure I would have had nothing but negative feelings about sport. This has given me self-confidence as an adult (I am now 45); I can hold my own at the bastion of middle-class homophobia: Surbiton Lawn Tennis Club!
But, I wonder... how many gay men possess a natural talent for sport but have stifled it simply because the environment was so unfriendly? Thankfully, today there are an increasing number of gay sports clubs springing up around the country such as Stonewall Football Team (
www.stonewallfc.com), Tennis London (
www.tennislondon.com) and Gay Swim (
www.gayswim.co.uk), to name a few. Of course, this raises another question: do we really need gay sports clubs? Shouldn’t we feel comfortable joining our straight local club? Well, for me they are a compliment, rather than an alternative. For others they may be the one place where, for the first time, they feel OK about participating in sport.
I would love to hear of your experience. I am conscious that I am writing about gay men, and wonder what it is like for lesbians. Do share your thoughts. Maybe things are different now for gay kids at school. Maybe the bravery of Rugby player Gareth Thomas is changing attitudes. Let’s hope so.
Stonewall published an interesting piece. Here is the link:
www.vagacms.co.uk/content/showcontent.aspx?contentid=209Other useful contacts:
www.outforsport.org - information site for lesbian and gay participation in sport in the UK
www.gaysport.org – promotes the organisation of the European Gay Games. A federation to fight discrimination in mainstream sport
www.gaygames.com – funding, support and endorsement of participation of LGB people in games
www.thefa.com–programme to tackle homophobia in football