Having spent at least 20 years arguing for the acceptance of same sex relationships as equal to straight, Quakers now take a big step forward.

• The Quaker movement takes the lead in reflecting realities of modern society
• Quakers to lobby government for equal rights for same sex couples
• Quakers believe marriage should be available to gay men and lesbians
• Move likely to invigorate debate across all religions

I started attending Quaker (or Religious Society of Friends) meetings about two years ago. I was in search of something... perhaps inner peace, a sense of purpose. Whilst the experience has not transported me to another dimension, it has proved to be positive and has demonstrated that religion and homosexuality are not always at odds.

Quakers believe that there is something of God in everybody and that each human being is of unique worth. This is why Quakers value all people equally, and oppose anything that may harm or threaten them. They emphasise direct experience of God rather than ritual and ceremony, believing that priests and rituals are an unnecessary obstruction.

Then, I was inspired to hear of the momentous decision taken at this year’s Quaker Yearly Meeting (their version of a General Synod) to support same-sex partnerships and push for these to be granted the same legal status enjoyed by straight couples. Although stopping short of breaking the law (agreeing not to go the whole hog and conduct “Gay marriages”), they will formally ask the government to change the law to allow gay people to marry. A brave step in intensifying the debate within all religions. (Read more here.)

As a gay man, this is what makes Quakerism so attractive. Most Christians and Christian groups can be sorted into three categories: conservative, mainline and liberal. Quakers cover the full range. In fact, each meeting is autonomous, with no hierarchy, priest or vicar. This manifests in their beliefs about homosexuality and bisexuality.

In the book "Towards a Quaker View of Sex", Quakers argue that it is not the gender and sexual orientation of a person that matters; it is the depth of feeling they have for each other. "Where there is a genuine tenderness, an openness to responsibility, and the seed of commitment, God is surely not shut out. Can we not say that God can enter any relationship in which there is a measure of selfless love?" Subsequently, the Quakers of Westminster Meeting in the UK published a statement: "We affirm the love of God for all people, whatever their sexual orientation, and our conviction that sexuality is an important part of human beings as created by God, so that to reject people on the grounds of their sexual behaviour is a denial of God's creation."

Whilst New Zealand Quakers affirmed their commitment:

• to welcome publicly and explicitly the participation and service of lesbian and gay Friends;
• to help one another develop loving and equal adult relationships and friendships;
• to seek formal ways of recognizing a variety of commitments, including gay and lesbian partnerships.

As with any church, there are pockets of the Quaker community in the USA and Africa that view homosexuality less favourably. For example:

"Homosexual activity, like an adulterous relationship, is clearly condemned in the Scriptures. In Leviticus 18:22, God declares the practice of homosexuality an abomination in His sight. In Romans 1:26-27, the practice of homosexuality is described as a degrading and unnatural passion. I Corinthians 6:9-10 identifies the practice of homosexuality as sin that, if persisted in, brings grave consequences in this life and excludes one from the Kingdom of God." (All excerpts taken from www.quakerinfo.org)

God bless America, eh?!

I have found my local meeting (Kingston-upon-Thames) to be ready to challenge such views. On more than one occasion the matter has been brought up for discussion and the meeting’s commitment to embracing all sexuality has been confirmed. In fact I sense a real determination amongst the Friends to make me feel welcome and equal. This is no mean feat as the meeting is largely made up of middle class, elderly and straight suburbanites. OK, I match some of that!

The best way to explore Quakers is to attend a meeting as it is impossible to give in words a true sense of what is essentially a very personal spiritual experience. If you are interested, you may want to start by visiting the Quaker Lesbian and Gay Fellowship.

I’d be very interested in hearing of your experience of being a lesbian or gay man within a church. Please add to the discussion.

Dominic James

Dominic is the founder of Tom Dick and Sally.