Chris Biddle writes inspiringly about the benefits of approaching the search for a relationship as you might a game of strategy, and above all a game of fun!

• What relationship do you want to create?
• Be focused & know what you are committed to creating
• Be authentic & true to yourself
• Create your game & inspect regularly
• Have fun and enjoy!

Finding the right relationship can sometimes feel like a daunting task. As you go through the process of trying to meet suitable people, and going on dates, you may experience a whole range of strong feelings. At the same time you may be required to demonstrate tenacity, courage, vulnerability and commitment.

The sheer prospect of all this is enough to keep anyone hiding under the duvet and shying away from playing the relationship game.

However, the task of creating a relationship can be regarded as just that – a game. And, games can be both fun and rewarding.

It can be very liberating and very powerful to create your own relationship game plan and know exactly what you are, and what you are not, committed to creating.

So, what game are you going to play?

Creating your game will require a bit of time and a bit of honest soul searching, but the effort will be worthwhile. The key is to be truthful and authentic. Create a game that is a true natural self expression. Create a game that lights you up and inspires.

You can create your game plan using the following format, on one side of A4 paper:

Name of the Game
What is the name of this game? Choose something that inspires. For example, “The Passionate Love Game,” or “Love, Fun & Frolics.”

Reasons
What are the reasons for creating a relationship? Why do you want to be in a relationship?

Outcome/results
What outcome/results do you want to achieve? What will the relationship look like & feel like? What sort of person do you want to be with? Describe the experience of being in this relationship in full. Be imaginative. Think big. One example could be, “I want to be in a loving, passionate 1:1 relationship with someone who turns me on and who is up for something in life. We will share the same values and I will feel loved, nurtured and understood.” You can go on to describe all the things you will do and share together.

How
How will you meet the right person? How will you create and develop the relationship going forward? How will you create the outcome described above? What actions do you need to take? You can be as imaginative as possible here. Think of all actions and all ideas.

Support team
Enlist the help of some family or friends to help you create your game, to keep you in action and to keep the game fun.

Inspect
You can read and inspect your game plan on a regular basis and commit to a few actions each week to keep the relationship game alive.

It may take a little time and thought to develop your game plan but this does not have to be a complicated exercise. Once you have worked out your answers to the above questions and put all your ideas on paper, try to rewrite the plan on one side of A4 paper, using the headings above. Just keep things simple and be focused.

Once you have established what sort of relationship you want to create, then the whole task of dating and finding that special someone becomes a lot less daunting. Rather than drifting aimlessly through the dating process, you can gain strength and confidence from knowing what you are committed to and what you want to achieve. The relationship game becomes a foundation upon which you can flourish and fly.

Chris Biddle, ACTcentuate Consultancy

Chris is a Qualified Accountant, providing Financial & Coaching Consultancy to Gay & Creative Communities.