Greg Halpen, a gay dating expert in the US, highlights how scary dating can be but offers some sound and practical advice.

• The mere prospect of dating can evoke fear
• Preparation is key
• Approach dating from a solid base; spiritually and emotionally
• Avoid desperation by appreciating being single
• Sex can probably wait
• Do try to enjoy the date!

I've been talking to a lot of single gay men around the world about dating and what dating means to them; I notice one common element when it comes to their derailed love lives. Here's what they're saying: I hate dating or I just want to bypass all that dating stuff and get to the gold or... For me personally, I hate to date. I hate having to tell someone it's not a match. I always make the wrong choices.

It's quite obvious that dating can be a frightening experience, but yet again they take the fast track approach and find themselves in another uncomfortable dating/relationship situation. Well, my gut reaction is telling me all of this drama can be avoided if one simply gets smart about dating. The bottom line? If you take your time, do the groundwork and be aware of that part of you that wants to have everything right away, you are likely to avoid the heartache; the truth of the situation with reveal itself.

Now, I urge you to really pay attention here. It's so important to understand that without first establishing a foundation of healthy dating; you'll be doomed to repeat the same patterns over and over.

What are you willing to do to ensure that your love life takes the front seat? Are you finally ready to acknowledge that part of you, deep down inside, desires a loving, meaningful relationship? After all, you do have so much to offer, right? To get you started, I've compiled a list of 7 reasons why I think dating is hard for you and how you can turn it around.

You don't do the groundwork. After just a few dates, you've already made the decision that he's the right guy for you. Hang on! This is your life we're talking about. Dating is about being smart, gathering information, exploring each others' world and defining what the relationship means to you.
You spend way too much time on the first, second and even third date. As the old saying goes, "Less is more." Keep the meeting short and sweet. However, do be observant and present to the occasion; tune into him and your feelings. Remember, this is the first impression he'll get of you.
You approach dating with a lot of desperation. Gosh, we all want to love and be loved, but you may not have grasped the true value in being a successful single yet. You may not have taken care of the important areas of your life; emotional, financial, spiritual and supportive, so you can date with confidence and freedom.
You don't know how to be authentic. In business and your career you may be at the top of your game, but for some strange reason when it comes to matters of the heart, you become paralyzed. Being social is something that might be a challenge for you. You might even believe that if you were to be the real you, you might scare him off. Is that really true and how do you know that to be true? Remember, there is something about being vulnerable with another person that makes makes you very attractive.
You can't wait to have sex. The connection is right and the sexual attraction is on high. You think if you connect sexually, that means you are right for each other in terms of a committed relationship. Well, the fact is, sex and sexual attraction is only a small part of the relationship equation. Having sex too soon can cloud your judgment.
Your standards are too high. Relax on this one. Someone recently told me that he's been single for 10 years and refuses to date due to not being able to meet someone who can meet his high standards. Those were his words exactly. Sounds fishy to me. It's perfectly fine to have standards, in fact, I recommend them - but are they realistic and are they based on your core values?
You forget to have fun. This one really sums it up. Have fun, keep it simple and smile.

So, it's time to start creating your love life by design and not by default. If you do the groundwork,build a solid foundation and sound structure by knowing who you are, what you want in an ideal partner and relationship and how to get there, not only will you sense amazing spaciousness around everything that happens in your life, but also you'll find that relationship opportunities will start to surface.

Enjoy the journey!

Greg

Greg Halpen is an expert dating strategist, focusing on supporting single gay men who are ready to play a bigger game in love by teaching them healthy dating strategies. He is certified by the world-class Coach Training Alliance (CTACC).

Tired of repeating the same mistakes and getting the same results?

To find out more about Greg, go to www.thegayguyslovecoach.com