Facebook provides a quick and easy way to declare your sexuality to the world. Is it such a good idea?

• Sharing intimate facts online is scarily easy
• Facebook can reduce the stress of coming out
• It does have a down side
• there may be good and not so good approaches

Oh, the wonders of Facebook! I find myself sharing all sorts about my life on Facebook and just this morning caught myself getting into a conversation with complete strangers on the subject of dating and what scares me about it.

Without thinking, I hit send and shared the most intimate feelings with the whole world! I am not sure how this leaves me feeling. What I do know is this: I wouldn’t dream of sharing this stuff with complete strangers in the queue at my local Waitrose!

Now, this leads me to my point (or question really): is it a good idea to share intimate facts or even “come out” on social networking sites such as Facebook? The audience is potentially huge and possibly judgemental. On the other hand, it is quick and easy. But maybe that’s the problem; it’s a bit like popping a meal in the microwave for Christmas Dinner when really the event deserves a bit more respect.

On the other hand, my experience of coming out was dominated by the fear of how and when I was going to break the big news and then dealing with the very real and live reactions. Of course, it was never actually as dramatic as I had fantasised it might be. Facebook takes all that trauma away; I simply state the fact of being gay on my profile and it’s there for all to discover. I don’t have to tell anyone.

This can be a great help the other way round. I remember recently looking up the details of an old friend on Friends Reunited. I have always assumed him to be gay but had not seen him since junior school (we used to get told off for giggling). I am not sure I could have asked him the question outright after all this time, so it was a relief to see his profile details confirming what I had always suspected... and vice versa (although I am sure he had no idea about me at school, as I kept up a very butch facade!).

So, is it a good forum for coming out? Well, here are some thoughts:

Good: subtly referring to being gay in your profile
Not so good: allowing your friends to post photos of their favourite porn star on your wall

Good: Posting a photo of you and your new partner in Hyde Park
Not so good: Posting a photo of you and your partner in leather chaps at “Hoist” night club

Good: Changing “interested in” from female to male (or vice-versa)
Not so good: Updating status with “I’m Gay!”

Good: Joining groups such as “Fans of Barbara Streisand”
Not so good: Joining groups such as “Fans of Jeff Stryker” or “Boys of Bel Ami”

Good: Joining a gay rights group such as Stonewall
Not so good: Inviting your straight (and beautiful) boss to be your friend and then spending the next six weeks “poking” him

Good: Becoming a fan of Dónal Óg Cusack (out Irish hurling player)
Not so good: downloading the “My Garden” app, then sending all your rugby teammates pink carnations

I will leave you with one thought. I was dating someone recently. It was very early days. There was a bit of a hiccup one evening (I won’t go into the tawdry details!). I discovered two days later that he had removed me from his friends list. I guess that is one way of ending a relationship!

Dominic James
Dominic is the founder of Tom Dick and Sally.