Greg Halpen, our dating expert, highlights the perils of 'Double Dipping' and extols the virtues of an honest approach to dating:

• Lack of honesty eats away at self-esteem
• Placing open communication at a premium is key to success
• Developing trust before jumping into bed is a must
• An open and upfront person is a more attractive one

I remember a little while back someone emailing me wanting advice on how you can tell when someone you’re dating is seeing other guys or gals and having sex with them, too.

Yes, I know the drill... you’re starting to feel good about them, you’re connecting in amazing ways, you’re even looking them in the eye as you kiss! Then he or she drops the BOMB... that they’re dating other people and sleeping with them, too!

Now, whatever you do in your bedroom is OK by me - my problem is when you’re not being clear and upfront with them at the beginning by letting them know you are seeing different people and whether you are (or aren’t) sexually active with them.

It really boils down to this: If you are dating to meet your ideal partner and think that you will do it by double dipping your stick (or tongue!), you’ve got another thing coming. What you will get closer to is lower self-esteem or you’ll find yourself right back where you started - completely single!

Sounds rough, yes?

Well, it is, but someone has to give you the cosmic 2×4 up your love box so you can begin to see why that strategy doesn’t work anymore. Also, you will start to see how this might upset the poor person you’ve been keeping secrets from.

OK - I know I was a bit rough, but remember, I care about you and want to give you huge bear hug AND a little strategy on how you can show up in all honesty. So, here’s your 'HUG' and here’s your strategy:

Your Simple Strategy
OK - what is one of the most powerful values you can practice when dating a potential boyfriend? A value that stands the test of time in any relationship. Need a hint? Begins with a “C.” No, NOT that!

It’s COMMUNICATION.

If you are not communicating honestly upfront, why would a 'potential beau or belle' have any reason to trust you in a relationship?

Interesting?

When you first meet someone and it starts to develop into more of a consistent dating thing, somewhere between your 3rd and 5th date and before sex, you should tell your date that you are seeing different people, and explain to them it’s because that’s just how you roll or how you like to search for your partner or whatever seems the right wording for you.

Ahem – yes – this is when you tell them you’re also sleeping with them, too. This will give your date the opportunity to make a fast get-away or stay and listen. Chances are, since you were so upfront they’ll probably stick around and explore things further. And not only that, doesn’t it feel EMPOWERING? You are going to appear so much more attractive now, because you’re wearing your honesty briefs... YUM!

Like I said, if you are honestly seeking your true love, your life partner, this strategy will help you get miles closer. And this may not be EARTH SHATTERING advice, but sometimes all it takes is a little validation and permission to do what you’ve always wanted to do... be HONEST!

Greg

Greg Halpen is an expert dating strategist, focusing on supporting single gay men who are ready to play a bigger game in love by teaching them healthy dating strategies. He is certified by the world-class Coach Training Alliance (CTACC).

Tired of repeating the same mistakes and getting the same results?

To find out more about Greg, go to www.thegayguyslovecoach.com