Who / what is Tom Dick and Sally?
Tom Dick and Sally came about when we discovered it wasn’t just us who were looking for a dedicated gay dating site that aimed to develop lasting relationships. Behind the scenes we were a group of friends with backgrounds in web site development, personnel management, psychology and advertising. Together, we felt we had the right mix of skills to develop our very own site. We believe that every Tom, Dick or Sally can find love through a lasting relationship and have created this site in pursuit of that goal. We’d love to hear what you think of the site, (good and bad), in order that we can continually improve. Please send any comments or questions to
support@tomdickandsally.com. Thanks!
How does the Trueself™ test work?
Designed by professional psychologists, Trueself™ is a self-report personality test. The way Trueself™ describes you depends upon how strongly you agree with the items. Once Tom Dick and Sally have your results, we search for other members who think, feel and behave similarly to you. This is on the basis that research has shown relationships between people with similar personalities tend to last longer.
Can I re-do the Trueself™ test?
As with any good measure of personality, Trueself™ is focussed on those aspects of your personality that are stable and enduring. For this reason, there would be no benefit in re-taking the test. Although you may be invited to retake the test after a few months, just to check for reliability. If you feel that the results are not reflective of how you see yourself, we would encourage you to share your results with a close friend or family member. You may be surprised at their response! However, if you really feel that there is a good reason for re-taking the test (for example, you misunderstood the 5-point scale), please email
support@tomdickandsally.com explaining your reasons. Of course, in line with our terms and conditions and privacy policies, you have the right to withdraw any data we hold about you.
How do I invite my friends to join Tom Dick and Sally?
How do I stop Tom Dick and Sally forwarding emails and other notifications to me?
What / how much should I write about myself?
Of course, this is going to be up to you and what you feel comfortable with. However, you may find the following tips useful:
1. Write in the same way you speak; as if you are writing to your best friend, writing as quickly as you can. Once you have filled a page, go back and see what sentences and phrases you would like to keep and then repeat until you are happy. This will help your personality shine through!
2. Be honest about yourself and the type of relationship you are looking for instead of thinking about what the other person may be looking for.
3. Studies show that a profile will receive a better response (sometimes by 3 to 10 times) if you include a photo, so make sure not to skip this step.
5. Experts say that an ideal profile has around 250 words, with 150 words about yourself and another 100 words depicting the kind of person you are seeking.
6. Talk about your social life, your family, and your pets. Do you have a close relationship with your extended family? What do you value most in your life?
7. Be as positive as possible. The online dating profile is not a place for negativity.
8. Demonstrate your personality traits via details and stories. For example, instead of saying that you are witty, include witty anecdotes in your profile.
9. People are intrigued by details. What are your favourite songs? What is your favourite form of art? What is your favourite thing to do on a Saturday night when you are all by yourself? What is your favourite thing to do on a date?
10. When you are describing what you are looking for in a partner, make sure not to limit yourself unnecessarily. You may have an exact vision of what this person looks like and does for a living, but any specific traits you mention may limit the potential of your profile.
11. Before you submit your profile, read it out loud (ideally to a friend!). This is a simple way to catch any grammatical errors. Then use spell check. Finally, paste this onto the site and away you go!
How does the free dating offer work?
We have updated our membership plans. The Free Dating offer provides you with full membership and all the benefits that includes, indefinitely. Rather than commit you to a fixed membership fee, we offer you the choice of spending PinkPoints on extra special services (coming soon).
What happened to the Premium membership?
We did consider offering different levels of membership, with a free dating introductory offer and Premium options later but we've changed our mind. We want to offer free dating to everyone and make our premium services available on a pay-as-you-go basis for those that want them. This way there's no monthly bill. You decide if you want to pay for extra services when you most need them. We like to think of it as doing our bit to level out the playing field.
I am having problems uploading my photo, can you help?
Please make sure that the image you are attempting to upload is compatible with Tom Dick and Sally. Details of this can be found by clicking on the help button on the upload photo section. If you are still experiencing problems, please email:
support@tomdickandsally.com putting “Photo” in the subject line and attaching the image(s) you are attempting to upload. We will do our best to help.
How can I speak to the Tom Dick and Sally team?
In the first instance, please email:
support@tomdickandsally.com detailing your enquiry and contact details. We will normally correspond by email.
I live outside the UK; why can't I register?
We are delighted that you have shown an interest in Tom Dick and Sally. Unfortunately, we are a UK-based community at present and are unable to offer our full service overseas; we had to start somewhere! However, we do plan to launch worldwide over the coming year and hope you will join us when that happens. Email us at
support@tomdickandsally.com and ask us to let you know when we’re ready.
How do I keep myself safe using online dating?
What to do:
Do... use an anonymous email address as a further safety measure. As well as Tom Dick and Sally’s messaging system, you may also like to set up a third-party email address to receive any alerts or emails.
Do... disable cookies or automatic log in on your computer if you share it with other users or family members. At the very least it’ll save you the embarrassment of others accessing your dating activity, and will also protect your personal data from fraudsters.
What not to do:
Don't... give too much away. It’s not just contact details that are valuable to shady characters. To stay as anonymous as you can during preliminary conversations, we would suggest that you avoid disclosing details such as your employer, surname, children’s names, location or date of birth.
Don't... reveal contact details in your online profile or during conversations with other users. Tom Dick and Sally incorporates a messages system, enabling you to contact other users without revealing your own email address.
Don't... put up with bad behaviour. Block any member who makes you feel uncomfortable. Tom Dick and Sally enables you to stop receiving messages from any other member. If their behaviour is abusive or inappropriate, consider blocking them and also reporting them from their profile page.
What to do when meeting in person for the first time.
On a first date meet up in a public place:
Do... meet up in a public place – the more public the better. Tell someone where you are going and when you will be back.
Do... stay sober. Drinking too much can desensitise you to potentially hazardous situations, leave you open to giving away too much personal information and may prevent you from making a good decision about your compatibility with your date.
Do... let your date know that your meeting is not a secret. If possible arrange for a friend or family member to call you halfway through the date to give you a plausible excuse to leave if necessary.
Do... pre-prepare an excuse for what you are doing after your date. This will help if you want to leave the meeting early or prevent you feeling obliged to stay with someone you have not hit it off with.
What not to do:
Don't... agree to be picked up at home or offer your date a lift. Keep your home address to yourself until you get to know one another better.
Don't... forget to take a mobile phone so you can call a friend or a taxi if you begin to feel uneasy.
Don't... leave your drink or personal possessions unattended. If you must leave your drink unattended to go to the loo, order another when you return.
Don't... let your date walk you to your car if you’re unsure about them. Try to park in a public place and if in doubt, hail a taxi or take public transport and collect your car later.
Don't... agree to meet up with your date’s friends or associates. Be wary if your date suddenly wants to change the plans for your meeting while you are out. If you’re unsure, suggest re-scheduling for another time.